My latest obsession is Bachelor in Paradise. It’s like watching real life Tinder play out with the backdrop of Fiji. But besides the drama, chaos, love triangles, squares and every other shape, it’s the representations of men that has me intrigued. Glued this week, I realised there are three main types of men represented on this show. And I’ve dated them all! The Bills, Jules and Ivans of this world. But for the poor girls in paradise, being maybe a bit younger and naïve, they might not be able to see what I see (and what I have learnt). But that doesn’t stop me from sharing it with the rest of you. (Please note, this is not meant to be disrespectful towards these men, but this is more about how to navigated the obstacles when dating them).
Lets start with Bill…
If you have not been watching, Bill is the strong, assertive, good looking alpha male of the bunch. But he has once again been a little bit sly.
Bill is that guy who will tell you everything you need and want to hear and do it whilst glaring deep into your eyes. After an incident with Alex Nation (I now love adding the ‘Nation’ part to her name, it sounds powerful) questionings Bill’s morals and if he was trying to peruse another woman being Florence at the same time. After a moment on the beach telling her he could see something with her on the outside and wanting her to meet his family was all she needed to hear. We literally saw her melt on TV. He promised the sign of commitment and future and that’s exactly what she needed to hear.
What to do… It’s an old saying but a good one. Actions speaks louder than words. These guys might tell you want you want to hear, promise you a future, show you signs of commitment, but keep your eyes open. Are they following through on these statements? Are they doing things that show you they are serious or are they just uttering these words? It’s not always easy because we can all get lost in lust and signs of commitment and future, but you need to have a moment to step away and see certain scenarios for what they are. They might be telling you one thing, but be wise enough to see if they are following through of these words.
What about Jules…
I have a soft spot for Jules. He seems goofy but sweet and has never had a girlfriend before. I thought he and Alisha would be a sure thing. But the Jules of this world and are like lost puppy dogs. He fell in love with Tenille without knowing her, and then begged to be back with Alisha. He stuffed it up with someone that was really into him for someone he hardly knew.
What to do… You can’t rescue the lost puppy dog. It might be tempting, but if the puppy is lost, there is nothing you can do. You can make your intentions known and be honest with him, but if they can’t do it in return, it’s time to take you self-respect and move on. You might always have a soft spot for the Jules of this world, but it will come to a point where if he can’t make his mind up, you need to make the decisions for the both of you.
Now for Ivan…
Ivan is the guys that not only falls hard and fast but won’t let you out of your sight when he does. He might have actually been better suited for Married At First Sight as that seems where he wanted things to go with Teniel. I’m still not sure why he was so protective and worried about her on an Island with camera crews around, but it saw any attractions she had stopped due to smothering.
What to do… Now what you love in an Ivan might be overshaded by the smothering, but what you need to question is if the smothering died down would you still been keen to explore something more? The problem is he might not be able to do that. It could be an all or nothing type of deal. He might just have two modes. Some women enjoy having a guy cater to their every need whilst others who are more on the independent side find it suffocating. So, if you are an independent woman, consider that if things can’t be dialled down, is this the right person for you.