May
22

2018

Ask Dr Nikki – High Sex Drive

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Ask Dr Nikki – High Sex Drive

Hi Dr Nikki,

I finally found a women with a high sex drive as much as myself. We have been seeing each other for 3 years or more and we have sex every night 3 times a night. She also has no problem reaching orgasm.

But, I listen to my mates and all they do s complain about the lack of sex, so I don’t say a word.

We are both in our 50’s and can’t see it stopping with each other. Are we sex addictions? Or have we just found the right person to be with? We both say we can’t believe we found each other.

Thanks,

Frank

 

Hi Frank,

First, that’s great about your sex life but not that you are having it so often but rather that you are both on the same page with how much you want it. Like your mates at the pub, one of the difficulties is that many couples find a difference in their bedroom desires. It’s not always the case that we match up sexually, which is not the end of the world, but just means some sexual compromises and exploration might have to be had.

One of the problems is there is no set amount of sex we should be having in a week, a month or a year. But we are all looking for something to compare ourselves to so we can work out if we are normal. Which I would think is even the reason as to why you are asking me about sex addiction. Even though having lots of sex is a good thing, there is still a bit of a concern if it’s normal as those around you don’t seem to be doing it the same. There is no such thing as normal when it comes to sex, just average and I question most of the stats that supposedly tell us what is average. The pool of people interviewed is often small and many are not so honest and forthcoming about their sex lives anyway. But who wants to be average? You should be focusing on being you and creating a relationship and bedroom life that works for you and your partner, regardless of what others are doing or saying. But it sounds like you are doing just that, so I would not worry one bit.

Sex addiction is an interesting term. If you are fascinated by it at all, I did a podcast looking into it as I don’t believe in the term as such. I do think there is problematic sexual behaviour or compulsive sexual behaviours but addiction is not so simply to define nor does it work the same such as others addiction like drugs and alcohol. At what point, do we decide that too much sex is a bad thing? We can look at the negative impacts it has on someone’s life, but this will differ from person to person.

You are a healthy human being who has found a partner who has the same sex drive and it sounds like you are both enjoying the relationships. I’m always happy to hear a more positive story, so thank you for sharing and enjoying being just you, however many times you are having sex in a week.

Xoxo

Dr Nikki

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