If you have been following my social media accounts, you will be aware I like a relationship meme. It gives me a chance to share a bit of my mind with followers in short form and on a medium people pay attention to.
However, it seems social media is flooded by inspo quotes and memes, but when you look closer, not all of them make sense and could be contributing to our negative expectations of life and love. It doesn’t’ just have to be a relfie of a couple in love, but a quote that sounds beautiful but really contains many flaws. So, I decided it was time to choose a few of my faves and pick them apart. Whilst inspirational quotes and memes might be empowering and encouraging, you also need to be careful what you really believe.
“Being in a relationship with someone that doesn’t treat you right isn’t love, it’s stupidity”
So, all the women out there who have been in love with someone who wasn’t perfect are stupid? Kick em while their down! It might sound good in fancy writing, but no one is perfect and when we fall in love with fall in love. But that person is not perfect and sometimes might slip up and not always treat you right. That is life and that is a real relationships, not stupidity. It’s whether they make it up to you, try to change or apologise for their mistakes that counts. But of course, if they treat you wrong most of the time or things become abusive, then it’s not the right relationship. But it doesn’t still doesn’t make you stupid for loving them or even struggling to get out.
“Best Relationships: Talk like best friends. Play like Children. Argue like husband and wife. Protect each other like brother and sister.”
I often hear people talk about their partner/spouse being their best friend. But I don’t think that’s what we should be aiming for. Be lovers, have passion, do something with that lover that you don’t do with a best friend. Make sure there is a difference between best friends and lovers so the spark never dies. Passion can be scary, feel unsafe, be up and down. But if you want security, stay at home and watch Netflix. Love can be scary, exciting and all over the place. But that’s what makes it different to friendships. Don’t turn your lover into a best friend, keep them as a lover. A friendship is important in a relationship, but it needs to be different to that of your best friends. As for the others….. play like lovers, not children. Argue like lovers not husband and wife and protect each other like lovers, not brother and sister. Why should we want to turn a relationship into something else? Let it be a relationship.
“When you really care about someone, their happiness matters more than yours.”
No no no no no no no! This is a fundamental problem with so many relationships, especially when it comes to the expectations of a female. No one should put your happiness before theirs and you should not put anyone’s happiness before yours either. You need to put yourself as a priority so you have the strength to care for someone else and focus on their happiness too. Women often want a man to look as though he is sacrificing everything for them, even putting their happiness above his. But why would you want someone you love to not put their happiness first? There is also an issue with the word ‘first’ and this idea of a pecking order. When you need your partner, they should be there for you and vice versa. But it shouldn’t be a matter of what or who comes first on the list. There will be times when you need them more and times when you need them less. A healthy relationship is one where they can be their in times of need. But if you are focusing on your own happiness, you won’t always need them so to speak but enjoy their company.
“Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.”
As much as I want to love this one, I struggle with it too. Yes, you should be yourself, but we also have a hard time trying to work out what that is. We have this thing in society called conformity. It’s not actually always a person we want to be like but qualities. We see things on social media, in magazines, on TV and we like the idea of certain qualities that person has. We did not grow up on isolated islands away from media and other people. It’s actually hard to determine what qualities are innately our own and what are due to the environment we have grown up in. I don’t think anyone sets out to not be themselves. It’s easy to just say be yourself, but it’s not so simply to just drop the need for conformity and do so.