May
16

2018

Dating and Money – Who should pay?

Dating and Money – Who should pay?

Dating and money is one of those awkward situations we don’t seem to be able to get the handle of. It can also be a deal breaker if someone doesn’t at least offer or if going dutch is insisted upon? In the past, when woman were chosen to be dated, didn’t have jobs or independence, a man paid and that was that. There was no going back and forth with the bill and there was no bill debate.  But now in the age of feminism, jobs and choices, what should be the norm?

I’m a somewhat old fashioned type of girl, but also an open-minded Sexologist, so I’m not going to just say a man should pay. Instead let’s try look at why a woman shouldn’t? That’s when the debate starts to get interesting because I can’t think of one reason why we can’t. It also doesn’t feel good enough just to give the reason that a guy should pay due to old fashioned values. These old-fashioned values were created because woman didn’t have the financial independence they have today and a man providing that assistance was considered gentleman like.

But I’m not ashamed to say I like men paying on dates. I do think it’s a lovely gesture but most importantly it eliminates that awkward who pays debate and bill dance when it comes to the table. It’s not about the money for me but a guy’s assertiveness to settle the debate and put my mind at ease. I hate being dishonest and the bill dance is full of dishonesty. A woman will go to take her wallet out to at least offer to pay half, but she often doesn’t mean it and is just trying to seem polite. She is hoping he will just take over and insist on paying. He however is probably willing to pay but often a guy thinks a woman should at least offer. But her offer isn’t genuine and she would be disappointed if he took her up on it. The bill dance is confusing and dishonest.

But I also believe in equality and why can’t a woman pay too? It just doesn’t’ need to be necessarily for the main meal. When dating, it’s not just dinner that’s had. There might be drinks after, parking, an Uber, an ice cream on the way home. The next date might be a movie where tickets can be purchased or an activity once again where drinks need to be had. There are so many opportunities for a woman to pay part of the way that are more honest and true.

I think men should pay at least on the first date, but it doesn’t mean that there isn’t room somewhere in the dating process for woman to fork out too. Lest stop awaked bill dances and fake reaches for wallets and instead make things easier for all. Men, don’t expect a woman to offer to go dutch and be assertive enough that there isn’t a chance for her to try.  Women, let a man pay without the falseness of your hollow intent and instead find a way that your financial contribution can be honesty counted.

Maybe the issues with the bill debate is we just got the question wrong. It’s not a matter of who should pay on a date, but rather how both people can be respectful and honest when it comes to dating and money.

 

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