I’m not sure about you, but I have been swept away by the new trend of dating apps. Whether you believe in it or not, apps like Facied and Tinder are proving not only to be a means to meet people and potential romantics interests, but are also proving to be great entertainment and amusement with their game like structure around starting a conversation. But one thing I have noticed, just like in face to face life, there are also still dating mishaps being made, especially by men. So I thought with the abundance of people on these apps and committing these online dating crimes, it was about time I gave some advice ( especially to some specific men) to those out there who obviously don’t have a clue.
Profile photos. The following are not appropriate profile pics.
- Wedding photos or photos with a girlfriend or even female friend. Even if you are no longer together, how are we supposed to know that and why during casual chit chat on line do we need to be introduced to the concept of your ex?
- Drunken party photos. If you are trying to impress a girl, why would she want to see how many drinks you can fit in your hand, what stupid things you might be getting up to or you posing next to your friend vomiting into a bowl. What message do you think this sends?
- Photos with no images. If you are trying to protect your real identity, get over it. These apps are now the norm and everyone seems to be on them, so why be ashamed or hide who you really are? They are also largely based on looks so by hiding yours it might only result in confused women giving you the flick because she can’t judge you. (Ok so maybe there is a tad superficial side to this way of dating, but lets face it you judge people when out in public or a bar on their looks too).
And to the person who’s profile photos is you on the bed on all fours in a leather male g-string – just simply wrong!
If you get a match with someone, why not be the big strong brave man and send a message. Why else are you clicking the like button anyway? Just because women are on these apps doesn’t mean they don’t want to be perused or chased. This is just a modern way of us telling you that we want you to say hi. Instead of having to play the eye sex game across a bar, this is a loud, clear and hopefully non-confusing message to give you the green light. Now that you have the green light what are you going to do with it? Will you let the opportunity pass you by? And how much obvious do we need to make it – talk to us!
Speaking of conversations – can we make it interesting?
Your opening statement can be something like “hi”, “how are you”, “what are you up to this weekend”, “how is your night going” etc Things that you might normally say to someone when you first meet. However, there are so many people on these apps, you want to be memorable and want to keep the online conversation interesting. Ask her something about herself or tell her something interesting about you. We are living in a world where there is so much digital distraction, you need to make your message stick and need to make it stick enough that she will engage in conversation back. She has liked your photos so there is some interest, but can you charm her with your brain?
Competition is at an all time high, so what are you going to do to win her over?
The one thing about these apps is you can nearly be assured if she is on them, she is talking to other guys and being perused by them too. When you meet someone in a bar, you never know if they are really dating others or have been talking to other men throughout the night. They could have come to this bar because their friend dragged them out and were not really into meeting the opposite sex until she came across you. If you find a girl on an dating app, you can pretty much be assured that she is talking and maybe dating other men on here too. So knowing this information, and knowing that you are not the only one, what are you going to do about it? Make the effort to stick out of the crowd.
Meeting up – where do we go from here?
I have known some people to go out on a date with a guy from these apps after a 5 sentence conversation, but the old fashioned Jewish mother in me thinks differently. I believe in the warming up process. Yes, it is an app so there is still that element of the unknown and that element of possible stranger danger, so in order for the first date to go more smoothly and not just be a bucket of nerves it’s good to get to know a bit more about her first. You can also start to investigate if there is any chemistry. Chat to her a bit on the apps but not too long that she might think you are not interested in meeting her in the flesh. Trade numbers so you can talk, and know that Facebook is optional. Some people like to add each other on Facebook so they can see if you are a real person, but I also think in these dating games it can be good to get to know someone in the flesh before you get to know the Facebook version of themselves. Anyway that’s why there is now the option on these apps of mutual friends. If you really want to know what they are like, why not ask the mutual friends, why else is that option there?
So now that I have passed my dating app wisdom on to you, please go and use it. These apps are now becoming the norm, but in order to really get the most out of them we need to look at how we are using them. And for those not on there yet go check it out, there is nothing to be scared or ashamed of. Think of it this way, if you were standing at a bar and you saw someone you liked but were too afraid of going up and saying hello, this is the way that you can say hi without the fear or rejection. The only way they will know if you like them is if they like you back. How refreshing! In a busy modern world, these just might be the answer to our prayer as long as we use them more effectively and also get out, meet these people and bring the dating game to real life.