Whilst we are living in an era of an abundant of choices, it’s also important that boundaries are made. I find so many people can tell you what they like and don’t like but have never taken the time to write these down and challenge where they come from. Often the reasons for the boundaries have come from other people and outside influences. Maybe it was something you were brought up to believe or something you have heard from other friends. The perfect example of this is how many dates you should have with someone before you have sex. Some people have set numbers and strict guidelines that one might consider a boundary. But stripped back, what is the reasoning behind that boundary? Was it something the individual decided on or an idea that was put in their head? The most important thing when exploring boundaries is to first work out if they are yours?
I find writing things down is often the best way not only to challenge and explore but cement these boundaries in your head. Often when you are out in the dating scene, drinking and exploring possibilities, boundaries can be a challenge because they are forgotten. Exploring the reason behind them will also help you to cement these into your brain and your behaviours. If the reason why they are there is made stronger, than you are more likely not to cross them. Do you not sleep with someone until 5 dates are had because your friends have told you that or because you tend to get attached after sex and don’t’ want to get attached too soon?
Whatever your boundaries are is something that is up to you. But in order to work out what healthy boundaries are, it’s important you work out specifically the rights one for you.