We live in a society where we are constantly trying to improve our sex lives, we want more, we want it longer, harder, faster, softer, more adventurous or more spontaneous or just all the time. It seems we get fed messages when it comes to our skills in the sack, we could do better! But how do we define “good sex”? Is it the length it goes for, how many orgasms you have or if you have any orgasm at all.
So when it also comes to orgasms, how can we tell if one is better than the other? I was reading a book, which gave descriptions from some people about their orgasms. Some I identified with, some I did not. On later research I discovered that there was not just one type of orgasm but many: mini orgasms, maxi orgasms, quickie orgasms, explosive orgasms, multiple orgasms, dry, non-ejaculatory orgasms, extended orgasms, which can last anywhere from a few minutes to several hours, focused orgasms (experienced primarily in the genitals) irradiating orgasm (which may be felt in the pelvis and upper thighs) full body orgasms, out of body orgasms (feels like it anyway), well earned orgasms, unconscious orgasms ( the fabled “ wet dream” which many or may not involve genital engorgement and occur in both women and men) even involuntary orgasms and so on. (I did not make this up, I found them in the book, The Clitoral Truth).
Is one of these better than the other? When it comes to orgasms I think only the individual can tell. Person A might like multiple orgasms whilst person B might be very satisfied with a focused orgasm. Just like everything when it comes to sex, it is up to the individual. You are the only one to decide if you are not happy with your orgasm (and just be careful if you are not happy that it is not because you once saw this girl in a movie or a porno and are wondering why you don’t blow like that). I say the only bad orgasm is none at all!
We tend to compare our orgasms to movies, pornos and what we hear of others. But when it comes to sexuality it is so important that we do not compare ourselves to others. We need to appreciate what we have and what our own bodies are capable of. Focus on what you have, not what you might be missing out on or what you are not able to do.
We have all heard that joke about someone’s age, “ you are only as old as the women you’re feeling.” Well I’m going to say, “your sexual satisfaction is only as good as the orgasms you are feeling.”
We are all different, our lives our different and so are our orgasms!
Dr Nikki G