Compromising is an interesting one. We so often hear that we need to compromise in a relationship, but do we understand how to do it? If I give into you one time you have to give into me the next? Or it is about each person takes terms at getting their way on something? That’s not compromising, that’s just taking turns at being selfish hidden with this idea that someone is being thoughtful by giving into what you want.
You need to be careful with compromises and make sure that you do it a healthy way. A relationship should not be about what you can do for each other but what you experience together. Women seem to get the raw end of the deal with this. We are taught to look after men and take care of them. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but sometimes we create an environment where we send a certain amount of time where he doesn’t have to compromise because we over nurture. Then we are left thinking “what about me?” We give so much away and then when our tanks are on empty, get angry when he can’t give the same back which is often in the appearance of a compromise.
The best way to look at compromises is something you don’t have to do all the time but when you do it it’s about finding a way that you can both be happy in an experienced where you might have different needs, wants or views. Instead of one person giving into the other and then the other doing the same at another time, take an experience and talk about how both people can get what they want. It’s like an analogy where both people want the orange. You might think there is no compromise to be had but one person giving it to the other but what it one person wanted the orange for a juice and the other wanted some of the skin for a cake? There is always a way to find a compromise if you be a bit more creative.
Sometimes you might need to dig a little deeper as to why you want to compromise. Maybe you are feeling left out or a little rejected and him going out with the boys is not about you not wanting him to go out but feeling left out. The request for a compromise might not be about an actual compromise but wanting him to show you that you are still important in his life. Be careful when you want a compromise to be made that it is from a need to compromise not a need to solve a deeper issue. What if the dilemma over the orange was not about the orange but about someone getting their own way because they feel like they have been giving in too often? The juice or the skin will not be enough to satisfy them because what they want is something more and seeking it in the form of a compromise to prove a point. The need is not a genuine need but one with a deeper and more complex motive.
Your husband might also be one of those people that is set in his ways. If this is the case you need to have a conversation about this. This conversation might be discussing what it means to make healthy compromises in relationships or pointing out that his set in his ways mannerism is making life a bit difficult for you. Either way you need to focus on the other c word that benefits relationships– communication.