I’m single but dating (and thank you for a great read) but struggling with this balance between standing up for how I want to be treated but not coming across as playing games or being too difficult and hard to get. Do you have any advice or a great way to explain the difference between the two?
First, I’m thrilled that you are using the label single but dating and that you are enjoyed the book. And I agree with you, this balance can be a bit difficult sometimes and often hard to get right. The way to look at this is you are not tactfully trying to play games with a guy to not appear too available or too keen, but standing up for how you want to be treated. There is a difference because when you stand up for how you want to be treated, you are not trying to ‘get him’ or win his attention rather assuming that if he can’t have the right manners and respect you deserve. There are plenty of men who do. Even this mentality itself can help you through this dilemma.
These days, many women are not waiting for the phone to ring – they have options. And if a guy want to take them out on a date or date them in general, he does have to make that known. If not, I’m sure there is another guy texting or trying to get her attention. And why should someone wait around for a guy to do the right thing when there is probably someone else who also wants to occupy their time?
Let me try give you an example of what I’m talking about. You met a new guy and receive a text on Friday saying he wanted to take you out on a date on Saturday night. You reply, ‘That would be great, let me know when and where’, and by 4pm on Saturday afternoon you had not heard anything from him. You are also out with friends who wanted to kick on and have dinner and you were having a good time. As much as you like the guy, should you text and see if dinner is still on and knock back that dinner offer from your friends? If you accept your friend’s dinner offer and hear from him later, you can politely say you would have loved to but since you didn’t hear from him, you made other plans. It might sound harsh and you could have text to check in but what happens if you would have said no to your friend’s dinner offer and then not heard from him or had him cancel at 6pm? If you had been dating for some time, then checking in would have been fine but on a first date is this right? Some might say it’s harsh or that it’s too tough but I think it’s common sense. Why would you keep yourself available on a Saturday night if you have not had confirmation of a date by 4pm that afternoon?
You just need to be careful that if you like someone you stand up for yourself with a flirty and friendly twist. This is about sending that strong message that yes you are keen and yes you would love to go out on a date, but you are that type of girl that has a life and isn’t going to sit around waiting for someone to decide if maybe they want to date you. Many guys have copped the too hard to get treatment from woman, so it’s important to send a strong message that you are still keen to see them, but just should be respectful. In the above instance, you could send a nice message back and say: “I would love to go out with you though, let me know another night that works for you” (Or you can always insert the nights that you are available so you don’t have to go back and forth – make it more straight forward).
Remember, this is not about being mean to keep them keen or playing hard to get but as a modern woman who has option, standing up for how you wanted to be treated. The issue though to be careful of is not to be too harsh or too fussy with the idea of getting it right and being respectful. No man will ever get it completely right, nor should we expect them to. Look at the bigger picture and don’t analyse every word in a text. Is he being respectful where it counts?