May
29

2013

Is Porn The Problem?

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Is Porn The Problem?

Is there really such a thing as sex addiction and porn addiction? This has been a topic debated with no real conclusions and many conflicted theories. Whatever side you stand on, one thing is clear – we are so quick to demonise anything that has to do with sex, especially pornography.

 

But how many people are really affected by porn? It amazes me how sometimes when a women catches her partner looking at porn they automatically jump to the conclusion he has a problem. It also amazes me how some men still feel the need to hide their love for porn. Maybe it is because it is hidden that sends the message it is something bad. What comes first, the chicken or the egg and what is the real problem, men hiding pornography use or women scolding them for it? If there were nothing to hide, what message would it send? Could you watch your favourite porno like your watch your favourite TV show with the only argument being who hogs the remote and who is taking up the most room on the couch? A world where some pornography was normal? (I say some because I do not want to support all forms of pornography, some I support others I do believe to be highly negatively and harmful).

 

But could some porn actually be good for our society?  According to research by Milton Diamond, as society have increased their access to porn, rates of sex crimes including exhibitionism, rape and child abuse have gone down. This might not be the research people want to hear or want to report on but it’s something that needs to be said. Some porn isn’t so bad after all. Sometimes being able to use fantasy  can take away those strong desires to participate in sexual behaviours that might be harmful to others. ( Please note this does not mean using visual stimuli that depicts these harmful acts to fantasise over – general sexual stimuli still helps with the act of fantasy).

 

 

So who out there has a problem with porn? According to recent data, less than 1% of people report having a problem in their life due to controlling their sexual behaviours including porn and 10% report feeling their sexual desires are hard to control. But what information gets blasted across the world, that porn is not so bad or this percentage of people that struggle with sexual issues? You must keep in mind that news stories especially around sex are not always a true representation of society and due to the topic being taboo, information and reports will be manipulated for a good, safe and relevant story. Are people going to feel it’s safe to report that porn is not so bad? Remember that bad news sometimes makes better news and blaming porn is the easy way out.

 

There are also several empirical studies that have found that self identified porn addicts tend to be people with high libidos (well that’s not too much of a surprise).  These are also people who can get turned on very quickly and might have grown up in a home or culture where sex and masturbation were seen as morally wrong. Could we maybe imply that if we normalised sex and masturbation from a young age that we could help decrease the level of porn addicts?

 

David, J, Ley suggests that having a high libido is not a bad thing and also leads on to argue that men and women who like sex have changed this world and made it better, as sometimes they actually want to succeed, jus so they can have a lot of sex. ( See those people who like sex are not so bad after all).

 

Unfortunately we will never win the debate around porn and sex addiction and I have accepted that, but it’s important that you address these issues in your own relationship.  If you enjoy watching porn, discuss this with your partner, don’t hide it and work out a level where it is not a problem in the relationship. The same goes with sex. You need to both be on the same page and communicating what you both want, regardless of what study is flying around or what theory someone will try and convince you with.  And most of all, it’s important that you remember that porn is not real sex, it’s fantasy sex and should be for entertainment not role modelling.

 

It’s your life and it’s your sex life – live it the way you want, porn or no porn!

 

xoxo

 

Dr Nikki

 

 

 

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