The question is how would your life be transformed if you chose to love this time for once with all your intelligence? —Cheryl Strayed
Too many times very early in the process of getting to know someone, I would start to consider crazy and impossible-to-tell things like whether a person was right to be in an official relationship with, whether I saw a future with them, if I could marry them or have children with them, what my parents would think and so on. I didn’t end up enjoying their company and I wasn’t even able to get to know them because I was too busy imagining the hypothetical future.
If you are like me, then this is a habit that you need to break ASAP. Learning how to just date a guy without wondering from the get-go about a future with them is key to enjoying dates and seeing and getting to know the person in front of you. A theoretical or fantastical thought process stops us from being present. The present can actually be really pleasant if you give it a chance. We live in a society that is increasingly focused on mindfulness — we are taught to be present in yoga class, on our stationary bikes and when we are eating our food, so why shouldn’t we be incorporating this mentality into our dating lives?
Mindfulness is when you focus on what is happening around you right now — your sensations and feelings—without judging yourself or others. It makes perfect sense to take a similar approach with the men in our lives and it’s a good reason to practice meditation regularly as an SBD woman. By dating mindfully, you may be more dismissive of superficial qualities and stop missing out on great guys because you are not fully in the present moment.
In a world where we are stressed, anxious, overworked and bombarded by external influences, it can be good to stop and do something that slows your mind down: yoga, meditation or just sitting still—anything that allows you to stop and calmly process what’s going on inside. I find that guided meditation from apps and free playlists helps me to slow down for 10 minutes a day and focus on breathing, giving me a clear mind to face any obstacles or stressors. As an added benefit, these practices help me get to know myself better. How will you work out what factors are affecting you and what you can do about it them you don’t have the time to make sense of them?
If you are depressed you are living in the past.If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present. —Lao Tzu
We can get depressed when we think about the past, which we can’t change, and we get worried when we think about the future, which is something we can’t predict. When we get depressed or anxious, these feelings can cloud our judgment and spoil positive emotions we are experiencing. Dating these days can sometimes feel like a race against time, but if you do want to date to have a long-term partner and family, it’s important to slow down and look at the scenario and the men in front of you with a clear and present mind, free of past triggers or future fears.