Sep
07

2015

#singlebutdating

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#singlebutdating

For years I was always told I needed to write a book, but for me if I was going to put pen to paper (or these days fingers to keys) I wanted it to be not only a book, but something that was needed and that people could learn from.

#singlebutdating for me is not just your general dating book telling you when you should call a guy back or what his messages mean. This is a way to make healthier choices in your life, mainly in the area of love, sex and relationships in order to live a life that is not only one that was meant for you but one that makes you fulfilled and happy.

No one teaches you how to be in a relationship or how to date with most of us entering this part of our lives blindly, working it out along the way. But we are also influenced by the messages around us, telling us what we should do, how we should do it and especially who and how we should date. The fairytale and the idea of being saved by prince charming has been fed to us in different forms from childhood. But dating is definitely not a science set in stone and not a fairytale.

When we grow up we take on ideals that we eventually believe are choices (but don’t realise in fact are influences from the society around us) we “choose” a particular type of life and often end up unfulfilled or not happy and scratching our heads as to why, ” I got the perfect guy, why don’t I still feel fulfilled?” But is this so called perfect guy on paper really then the perfect guy for you?

We are living in a society that lately is focused on infidelity and divorce. Millions of Aussies and people around the world have been impacted by the Ashley Madison scandal either asking if their partner is cheating on them or wondering if they will get into a relationships only to discover this fate. This scandal is a great window into the dissatisfaction of our relationships and maybe proves something is lacking for all these millions of people or that they have entered these relationships in not the most effective way.

If you had permission, empowerment and support to really go out there and find relationships that were right for you instead of fitting into a mould, do you think you might be more fulfilled because they were based on your actual wants and desires? And when we are in these relationships hopefully there is a trickle down effect to the rest of our lives. Happy wife might mean happy life, but how to get that wife happy first? Give her a chance to find out what it is that will make her happy!

To me this is why a dating book for the modern woman became more than just booty calls and first date etiquette. I wanted to help make women the most dateable version of themselves so they can make those healthier choices. But also the most dateable version does not mean changing everything about you. It means discovering who you are, bringing out the best version of you and having the confidence to not only demand respect but stand up for yourself and your own beliefs.

There are so many negative messages fed to women these days. You are not pretty enough, thin enough, sexy enough, fashionable enough etc. No wonder so many of us are left running into the arms of the first man who shows us interest in order to feel better about ourselves. We are taught from a young age that if someone loves us we are worthy. “ You are no one till somebody loves you” (I hate those lyrics). Whilst relationships can make you happy and fulfilled, it should not be the only thing to make us feel that way.

#singebutdating is a book that also has a personal link to it. I wrote it not just from the eyes of a sexologist but from the eyes of just Nikki, a girl who once thought she had what she wanted only soon to find out that it wasn’t making her happy. I have lived my life for many years trying to work it all out. Every book I picked up I didn’t feel I could identify with or felt like I was being told to fit back into that mould and find a husband to make me happy. What I found along the way was me!

I am not a commitment phoebe, I love being with people and in relationships but I have worked hard so that I can be in them in the healthiest way and in a way that won’t see me feeling unfulfilled, rather with a clear mind to be able to discover if the person I am with is right for me.
This is the book that I wanted many years ago and I truly believe that the modern single woman needs.

Make sure you check it out and I look forward to hearing your thoughts. Check it out!

Xoxo

Dr Nikki

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