sex

May
12

2020
The Barriers To Forming A Connection

Working on my new podcast “The Connection”, I was able to gain access into the lives of my daters and insight into the issues that they faced. Putting this podcast together, we had a plan and an idea of where we were going, but our daters also lead us there. The biggest light bulb moment was realising that the most common struggle with dating really was how to form a connection and that everyone has their own stuff that could get in the way. This wasn’t about pick-up lines, playing games or timing the hours until you text that person back. I got to know my daters and they were all great people with lots to give but they were just not always able to show what I saw to someone else. This was not about traditional therapy and digging deep into their inner souls and past. This was about…

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May
31

2019
These 5 words could be impacting your thoughts on sex

I don’t know if it’s a sexologist thing or just something I get hung up on, but I have become one of those people who analyse the language we use. I believe that we can change the way we and others view certain topics by changing the language we use surrounding them. When it comes to sex, there are many words that can be seen as not sex positive or even confusing. Let’s even take the word sex for example. We use it a lot, but it’s a word we can’t even define. What is sex? Is it penis in a vagina or is it fingers in a vagina or a penis in an anus? There are multiple different meanings for one word, and universally we cannot even agree on what it is. Here are a few others that I feel could be describing the act negatively or even posing…

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Apr
26

2019
Are you dating a guy from Bachelor In Paradise?

My latest obsession is Bachelor in Paradise. It’s like watching real life Tinder play out with the backdrop of Fiji. But besides the drama, chaos, love triangles, squares and every other shape, it’s the representations of men that has me intrigued. Glued this week, I realised there are three main types of men represented on this show. And I’ve dated them all! The Bills, Jules and Ivans of this world. But for the poor girls in paradise, being maybe a bit younger and naïve, they might not be able to see what I see (and what I have learnt). But that doesn’t stop me from sharing it with the rest of you.  (Please note, this is not meant to be disrespectful towards these men, but this is more about how to navigated the obstacles when dating them). Lets start with Bill… If you have not been watching, Bill is the…

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Apr
19

2019
A letter to my virgin self

Nikki, I know right now sex seems like such a huge deal, but one day it will be a part of your everyday life. But it isn’t going to always be pretty and it isn’t going to always be how you imagined it would be. But sex isn’t perfect and you will learn that.  Don’t fret if your first time also isn’t perfect. Most people do not get that roses and candles experiences you once saw on Dawson Creek and decided was the ideal. It’s ok and it’s not the end of the world, although it might feel like it at the time. I know you will want to find the right and perfect moment, but there just might not be such a thing. The most important thing is to trust your gut and protect yourself physically and emotionally. Although I’m sorry to tell you, but protecting yourself emotionally might not…

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