I now am writing weekly blogs for Yahoo7 and just in case you missed it , I wanted to share yesterday’s blog with you. Unlike some, where I am asked to write on a specific topic, this one came from the heart.
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So an old friend of mine recently got married and like all good brides, as soon as the “I dos” were over, her photos appeared on Facebook. But as I was looking through these photos a feeling of familiarity came over me. I’ve seen this all before. The same manufactured shots where this is made to look like the happiest day of their lives. A picture can say a thousand words, but in wedding photos all it says is, “look how happy we are,” often prompted by the amazing skills of a wedding photographer that has done this all before and knows exactly what to do to get that golden smile or perfect pose from the happy couple.
But it’s not just the encouraged happiness by a wedding photographer that looked familiar, but the actions of the day. I had also seen these before in every other friend that has added their wedding photos to Facebook. That shot of all the girls getting ready, perfume in the background and often a Tiffany something in tow. The car shot with their veil over their face, the bride and her father walking down the aisle, the groom waiting nervously, the ring on the finger, the first kiss and then on to the party. Yes it might be different people, different weddings, but something became apparent looking at these photos. Are we all trying to fit into the same mould of so-called wedding bliss that we believe will make us eternally happy and fulfill our lives?
The ‘should be’ curse
I believe in something called the ‘should be’ curse. Some mystical person out there once decided what we ‘should be’ doing and how we ‘should be’ living our life, which some of us label tradition, but not many people challenge where these beliefs or traditions came from. It is a decision they are making on their own based on real needs and desire or one influenced by what they think they ‘should be’ doing?
I was the MC at an event on Thursday night called A Charmed Affair, speed dating for brides to be and suppliers for their perfect day, where I found myself grabbing for the red wine after being hassled by some bridezillas for attempting to give my hot tips to relationship bliss. One of the tips I did give was having one day where you can talk to your best friend about all your concerns and nerves about your future marriage, which was proceeded by some interested looks. If their eyes could talk I felt they would say, “How dare you imply any of us are anything but perfectly happy.” After all that is what we are supposed to be feeling, staring down a life or matrimony.
Marriage isn’t perfect
That’s the thing, you don’t have to be perfectly happy to get married, just feel an infinite amount of love and possess great communication skills to work anything out. Relationships are not perfect nor should you be striving for a perfect relationship before “I do”, or for that matter a perfect wedding, just one that works for you. A marriage might also not make you fulfilled and happy and that’s still ok too. We are living in an age where we want more: family, career, life, and it’s ok for marriage just to be one piece of the pie. I hope I have relieved a little bit of the pressure that sends some women and future brides crazy. Perfect is not the answer, normal is not the answer – there is no answer that is universally right.
I’m not meaning to be cynical but real and honest. I got into this profession after watching couple after couple end their relationship in divorce. If anything, I am trying to educate and give couples the best start at life together. The thing is we need to marry for the right reasons and not because someone said we ‘should be’.
My message in all of this and to all blushing brides to be, is do it your way not the way you think it ‘should be’ done. Your wedding is the stepping stone to the rest of your married life. If the day is not perfect, please don’t stress but at least try and make your wedding a little different to everyone else’s and do it your way, the way it really should be.