Sex addiction is a topic that I am weary about. We famous cases such as Tiger Woods using sex addiction as a way to explain his wondering eye but does this only teach us that we don’t have to be responsible for this type of behaviour and can pathologies it?
The term sex addiction is a controversial one with some experts maintaining that we need a new term for this type of behaviour but coming across recent data by Dr Dennis Thompson Jr. you might see why it is so difficult to define and why many of us might be able to adopt the term in our own lives.
Dr Thompson reports some of the following as warning signs to sex addiction;
Using sex to numb negative feelings or achieve a fleeting high
(Who hasn’t used sex to numb negatives feelings? I’m not suggesting it’s the best idea but lets’ admit, most of us have done it).
Hiding sexual behaviors from your spouse
(Well infidelity is one thing and of course you would attempt to hide that but even acts such as masturbating and looking up porn are hidden in some relationships).
Feeling that you’ve lost control over your sexual behavior
(What person hasn’t had that moment where they feel their genitals are thinking for them and they can’t not bed that one person they shouldn’t?).
Failing to heed self-imposed limits on your sexual behavior
(Who is going to tell themselves they need less sex and listen to it? I’m sure we have all made sexual promises to ourselves that we have broken).
Finding that your sexual behavior has caused you to lose a relationship, fail at your job, or spend less time with your friends and family
(This one is more serious, but hands up if you have rejected a friend for a new play toy or to bed someone of the opposite sex?).
Knowing that your sexual behaviors could lead to problems in your life if people knew about them
(Well most people keep their sexual lives private in fear of being judged and there are many of us that would not want others knowing what really happened behind closed doors).
So as you can see from the above why I struggle with the term sex addiction. How much is too much and who hasn’t participated in sex for one of the above reasons? Does this make us all sex addicts or do we need to look for another term and a new way of defining problematical sexual behaviors. The rule of thumb: sex is a problem when it becomes a problem for you and your partner. Don’t let anyone else convince you otherwise.