Behind the scenes on ‘The Bachelor’

In last night’s episode of The Bachelor, someone familiar might just have appeared. I’ve always be a fan of the show and loved watching, so when I was asked to help explore intimacy and connections between Matt and the final 5, I didn’t hesitate to jump in.

But, of course I always have more to say… (I could talk a fish under water).

Throughout the day I spent on set, we ran two activities to help Matt explore the unspoken bond, deep intimacy and connection he had with each of the girls. What I loved about this concept is that there is a decent part of this show based on superficial aspects. Of course, you have to be attracted to someone as well as have a bond. There is a lot of talk about futures matching up and ticking things off a list. At this point, the idea of explore the strongest connection and even passion I felt was the ideal to deciding on the one who is left with the final rose.

So how did it all play out?

First of all we did the hugging exercise (I wouldn’t have minded jumping in for a hug myself).

Have you ever just hugged someone and it felt, right? Imagine you were dating 5 people trying to work out which one you liked more. What if you could line them up, one at a time and see which one you felt that connection with? And then compare that connection very quickly to the others? Well that’s kind of what we did. Except this was about exploring a deeper connection, one that goes beyond looks. So, blindfolding him made sense (and I loved that it felt a bit 50 shades)

So what about the eye gazing?  Well this one is scientifically backed but if you are curious at all I encourage you to give it a try. Four mins staring at someone without a word. It starts off awkward, funny and then something happens. You feel like you are looking into someone’s soul. Everything else goes blank and you focus deeply on that person who you are staring at. (For those of you feeling disconnected from your partner, you should give this a go).

I understand how girls in the Bachelor can have a bit of a wall up. As much as it feels real, you still are filming a TV show. And at this point you know there is a one in five chance that you are getting your heart broken with everyone watching in. What I saw in this exercise was the biggest benefit for Matt whether that made it to air or not. Some of these girls at first had a bit of their intimacy walls up, and I don’t blame them for that. But during this activity, those walls came down, those girls let Matt in and enabled a real deep connection to be present and explored.

As for his reason of choosing and sending home Elly. What you didn’t see during her eye gazing sessions was Elly, letting her guard down with Matt in an intimate way. There was a connection before, but there was something during this activity where there was an evident change. Many were shocked that he didn’t give her a rose and personally I liked her but this show is not about who we like but who he feels there is a future with. I did feel her connection with Matt was there but more like two best friends. They seemed cute together and like they would have a fun time. But maybe that wasn’t the right connection for him.

What was fascinating to watch was that each girl had a different connection with Matt, but there were connections with all of them. Just because there is something deep and unspoken there, does not mean a relationship is guaranteed. We need to look at the mix of what makes a relationship work. There might be superficial aspects, some similar morals and values and an alignment with future goals mixed in with intimacy and passion. With some people that connection is more friendly than romantic, others more sensual than intellectual and some sexual rather than spiritual. This is what makes these exercises so interesting. We could see the connections there and put these individuals in scenarios to highlight those, but at the end of the day, it’s Matt’s decision and it might just come down to who is has an indescribable connection with. Sometimes we can’t put into words why we want to be with someone over another, we just know we do.

I loved my time on The Bachelor and was so happy I could assist in highlighting and exploring the intimacy, bond and connections each girl had with him. As for who is will be final one, I’m really not sure.  I will be watching just like you.