I have been on and off again with this amazing girl who I’m really keen on. But she goes from hot to cold often.

I have been on and off again with this amazing girl who I’m really keen on. But she goes from hot to cold and seems to have a lot going on in her life right now. I think she has some fears about being in a relationship but I know that she is someone I can have a future with. How do I help her see that we would be great together as a serious couple?

There is a delicate balance here. You need to make sure you do not overwhelm or pressure her but still let her know you are there. She might be working through some of her own issues and if she does have fear around being in a relationship, then you need to support her through that. Show her there is no need to be fearful of being with you. Sometimes this is a defence mechanism for woman if they have been in bad relationship or their trust has been broken. The idea of getting into another one might bring feelings of what if this happens again. If this is the case, be there to support her and show her you are not going anywhere fast.

When woman are not sure about a situation, if a man easily walks away too soon or too easily, it only strengthens her thoughts and doubts that maybe this was not right or maybe he was there for not the right reasons. If he can walk away so easily, he was never really into it in the first place. This is the battle for you and why you need to stick it out a bit longer.

If you are going to be patient and show her you are still there, you also need to check in with your own thoughts and feelings. Do you have strong feelings for this girl or is the thrill because she is not exactly attainable and still requires a bit of a chase? It’s normal to desire someone who is somewhat rejecting you, but you need to work out if your feelings are due to this or something more.

If you really see a future with this person, then stick it out but also know your own limits. You need to show her that you will be patient and you want to be with her by not walking away but also consider how long you should be patient for. Is she going to make you wait for what seems like forever? I can’t tell you a time limit but this will depend on your feelings for her.

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