I’m recently divorced and want to start dating again but struggling with my state of mind and my frustration and neglectful feelings towards my ex. How do I focus more on my own life instead of worrying about what he is up to?

When it comes to moving on after divorce, focusing your energy whether that be revenge tactics, gossip or frustration towards an ex will only keep you in a negative state of mind. It will also stop you from investing into yourself and helping yourself to move past this breakup. The problem is when dating, happy people are attractive people and being so burnt by an ex or focused on what they did to you, might only appear to be a negative characteristics to someone else and also appear that you are still too present in a past relationship to move forward with someone else.

You need to understand that you no longer have control over your ex, what he does, what he gets up to, who he dates and on some level what he does with your children if you do have any. You are separate people and need to commence that separation in your mind and thoughts as well.

Every time you find yourself thinking about him or obsessing over what he has or hasn’t done, allow those thoughts in but then quickly think of something positive in your live. Something that is going on, something that you have been able to do for yourself.

If people want to gossip about him, change the subject. If you find yourself tempted to stalk him or anyone he is involved with online, stop yourself. Sometimes support groups can be useful or other woman who have been through the same, however be careful that it does not turn into a session of bitching about your ex’s and what they did to you. The more you focus on him even in the negative, the more attached you actually will stay to him and the more you will allow him into your life.

Sometimes it’s also a matter of accepting that the relationship ended for whatever reason. Many women become so hooked on victim playing and that their husband left them or that they didn’t fight hard enough to keep it together that they are constantly looking for validation or even to continually punish their ex for what they did. Once again this only will keep you attached to them and in a negative mind set and stop you from being able to move on. It’s not them you are hurting but yourself.

If you want to move on and date other people, then focus on you and your life, not him. You might be divorced on paper but you need to work at divorcing him from your thoughts too.

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