Ladies and gents I am proud to announce that Last month I graduated with my doctorate in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. So what does that mean? (A part from a good reason to celebrate) Well for starters, it does not mean I know everything, sorry to disappoint. For those of you familiar with the saying “ the more I learn the less I know” you will know exactly what I mean. The subject of human sexuality is one that is infinite and for some questions there is no right or wrong just what is best for the individual.
What I do know is that the subject of sexuality is a lot more complex than just the act of a penis in a vagina. What I have gained through my studies is access to a network of people, information and resources to help me get to the right answers for each person. What I have learnt is being able to look at every situation with an open, sex positive and non-judgmental mind. Sexuality is subjective and it is important to see beyond what people deem as normal and average.
What does this mean for me? It is a licence to keep learning, keep researching and to start pushing the boundaries and ruffling some feathers. All I ask from you is to listen. You don’t have to agree with everything I say but if you don’t, I want you to think about why that is. I ask people to think about things in a different way and to challenge themselves as to why they have a particular belief around sexuality. Was it something you were just told to do or was it a part of a religious belief? Do you have any guilt and shame to do with sexuality? I don’t have the right to tell people what to do (that I will leave up to the medical doctors) but what I do have is a right to say things everyone else is too afraid too and deal with what every one else will not touch!
I seem to cop a lot of criticism and jokes about why I chose to study sex. Human sexuality is so much more that what people think it is, it’s life! It encompasses gender, transgender, anatomy, sexual health, homosexuality, pansexuality, marriage, divorce, childhood sexual development, monogamy and polyamory. It is one of the most fascinating subjects and one we all need to know more about. The biggest crime when it comes to sex is a lack of education, often resulting in ignorance and backwards thinking.
It is a shame that I had to go all the way to sex school in San Francisco to learn about sexuality. There is so much I wish I knew years ago. Maybe things might have been different if I had been given the right information at a younger age. I don’t want this to be the case for future generations. It would be a crime to starve a child of food. In fact It would be a crime to starve anyone of food. So why do we starve nearly everyone of some of the most important information we all need to know. The answer, because we fear the subject matter and what people will do with it. Sex is a good thing! Something that feels pleasurable and can procreate life as well as help us to feel good about ourselves. Yes there is a scary side, but if we give the right information should we fear people having fun and experiencing pleasure? More importantly should we stop them?
Calling myself a Sexologist, I often get the questions about how far I take it. Is there a practical side to all this learning? Of course! Could a surgeon operate on patients without hands on experience? Could a hairdresser cut hair after reading a book? Studying sexology I have experienced my own journey and explored my own sexuality. It is a part of the process! I am secure with who I am and what I want and this is an important part of being able to help others. It’s the same principle of the safety procedure on an airplane, you put your own oxygen mask on before helping others. I have also been exposed to more than the average person has. But I do this on purpose! I don’t participate in everything but I do like to see first hand what others get up to and how they experience pleasure. Sex then does not become taboo or wrong for me but rather everything is considered normal and beautiful. Call it on the job research! I want to see everything, know everything and talk to everyone! If I have not heard of it, I will want to know what it is. Curiosity may have killed the cat……. but let me tell you satisfaction brought it back.
There are people who makes jokes about what I do and as much as it strikes a cord I understand that this subject matter is loaded with a lot of controversy and issues for individuals. But I do take it seriously and I am passionate about it because I see so much hurt in people when sexuality is an issues and so much happiness when they are free! It is a honour to talk to people about something that is so sacred and sometimes private to them yet so important. Why would you not want to study sex? After all it’s how we all got on this earth and it is one of our basic needs.
I’m never going to be able to change the world the way I want, I’ve come to terms with that, but I might be able to change just a few things. That may be achieved through education, writing, therapy, coaching or even tweeting. I have been given a privilege to do what I do and to study the way I have and now it’s time to do something with it.
I’m not going to insist you call me Dr Goldstein (although it does have a nice ring to it) I am going to ask though that you respect me and my education and you consider my content before dismissing it. I don’t know what the future holds but I do know that I’m going to do things my way! Maybe having a doctorate gives me the authority to do so. Strap in and jump along for the ride, I need and will welcome all the support I can get.