My husband and I have two small children and I’m struggling to find the time for sex

My husband and I have two small children and I’m struggling to find the time for sex. I know I should be making the effort but I’m so tired and worried my relationship will start to slip away.

This is a concern of many couples who have children and it’s important not to put too much pressure on yourself or your relationship that it makes things worse. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship and you need to accept that having children is going to change things. But it doesn’t mean it has to change things for the worse.

It important first to work out what you want from your relationship and your sex life and have this discussion with your partner. Goals should change along with the circumstances of the relationships and it’s important to discuss these and ensure you are both on the same page. I can’t give you a simple way to get more time or an easy way to feel less stressed, but by redefining what you want and need from your relationships will help.

Is it about ripping off each other’s clothing every night of the week or having time to enjoy each other, connect and be intimate? If you are not having mind blowing sex every night of the week, it’s ok. But it’s important to explore something that is important to have – intimacy. If you don’t have the time or energy for the full karma sutra, try a smaller act. Something you might consider foreplay but will still fit the criteria of pleasure and intimacy.

You might also need to ask your partner for help. Are you struggling with daily tasks that you feel you don’t have enough time to relax? Are you maybe even struggling to enjoy sex because you are suffering from a bit of sexual boredom? These are things you might to address.

It’s important to get creative. Without understanding your life and your schedule it’s hard to say how, but put your thinking cap on and look for times where you are not so stressed and can take a moment to relax. Maybe a morning or evening shower together? Do the kids go to bed early leaving you some parent time that’s not just before bed? Can you get together with some other parents and organise to share giving each other a day off? Look for some solutions so you can connect with your partner when your mind and body allow you to.

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