Negging –  the likelihood is if you are a women you have been negged and if you are man you have negged a women. No it’s not some code for a kinky sexual act. A neg is a backhanded compliment, usually said by a man to a woman, to surprise and/or annoy her so she does a double take and tries to prove her value to the man. Negging comes from the Pick Up Artist community and was a very popular method suggested to men who wanted to take very attractive women “down a notch”.


Negging involves insulting a woman in order to undermine her confidence—making her vulnerable, full of self-doubt and then, hopefully, up for a date in order to validate her self-worth. (I can think of many ways to validate my sense of self that don’t involve going out with a man who has just insulted me).


Already even writing this has me fuming. I have to say I am not favorable to pick up artists and their skills to gain the attention of women. I am still a bit old fashioned and what peeks my attention is manners and respect, not criticism and negative statements.



I see negging as an act by men who are afraid to approach women the “traditional” way. But it seems this act does work on some women. Maybe those women so used to getting complements that when they get a negative statement, it catches their attention and they nearly feel the need to prove these men wrong. It’s the challenge that might seem appealing for some and the fight to gain their self confidence back.


I understand that in today’s society we need to be creative when it comes to picking each other up, but attempting to lower someone’s sense of self worth so they will go out with you is not in my mind creative, just cashing in on the fact we all are out to prove ourselves theses days because we are sent some many messages from wider society that we are not good enough. This is just cashing in on our already present insecurities.


So to the women out there, would you be impressed by any of the following statements;


“Your nose is a little red. You’re like an Eskimo. Cool.”


“Your roots are showing.”


“You know, I like that outfit you’ve got on… but I don’t know… your shoes don’t really match. You should have gone with tan boots…”


“You know, your body language is all closed off. It makes you look like one of those newborns I saw on the discovery channel when they came out of the womb – all curled up.”


I personally would not be interested but for the men out there, think about the tacts that you use to pursue women.  Do you want to be a douche or a darling? Some women might respond to the act of negging due to insecurities and a desire to prove someone wrong, but is that the person you want to be taking out to dinner?



Even though I am a modern sexologist, sometimes we need to get basic to the basics when it comes to love.


Happy Not Negging,



Dr Nikki

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back to top