Q: What does it mean when we think about someone else while we are having sex with our partner?

A: It means that you are a healthy normal human being. The debate if we are meant to be monogamous or not will always continue to be one without a solid answer but even if we are choosing to be mongomous, thinking about someone else doesn’t mean that we are necessarily cheating. We all have moments when we look at someone and think “ wow they are good looking, I wonder what it would be like to have sex with them.” It doesn’t mean that you don’t love your partner or are not attracted to them or will even do something with that person. It’s just normal natural thought and our innate attraction to people that we don’t have an explanation for.

We might choose to be mongoms in our relaitonships but it doesn’t mean our minds will only ever think about one other person.  If you are secure in your relationships then your partner’s eyes wondering every so often or their mind briefly thinking about the sexual appeal of someone else shouldn’t worry you. If you are worried about every other person your partner is checking out, it might be a clue that there is some more work that needs to be done on yourself and your position in the relationship.

We all have sexual fantasies that often don’t make sense or even mean anything more than a sexual fantasy and in those fantasies are sometimes other people than the person e are having sex with. As long as their mind wondering quickly back to you!

– Dr Nikki G

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