Social Matchmaking
I have reported on it before and I hear it on a regular basis, Sydney is in a dating crisis (and maybe it’s not just Sydney too). Women are complaining about the lack of good men and men are complaining that women are putting them through too many hoops. It’s becoming more and more complex to meet people and it seems that old fashioned dating has disappeared and modern misconceptions are on the rise. Women don’t know what men want and men don’t know what women want. (Here’s a hint, tell each other!). As a relationship expert, people will always ask me what is the answer? I sometimes scratch my head and wonder is if internet dating, is it pick up courses and books or iphone apps? I don’t think there is ever going to be just one thing we can do in the fight to find true love (or a great lover or casual hook up) but I might just have worked out another thing on the list, something I now like to call social matchmaking. (Now to work out how to make social matchmaking as talked about as twerking).
Many people do turn to professional matchmakers to find themselves a partner that ticks off the list (and pay for that service too). But let’s face it, when it comes to finding a potential love interest in Australia, many of us would not pay for the services of a matchmaker but rather invest that money into going to a bar, club or chatting on an online app or dating site. But it should not mean that matchmaking is only a service that is paid for.
One of the best ways to meet someone is through friends. Instead of having to stalk someone on Facebook, they come with automatic reassurance and a background check. But what’s important is we need to go one step further and have those friends be the one to set us up and give love a bit of a helping hand (and lust too). Love sometimes needs a bit of a push.
Recently, I was out at a bar with a friend and in one of those moods where I was feeling a little on the shy side ( yes believe it or not, even I get shy). With his help, I ended up being introduced to a guy next to him at the bar and was literally pushed into his arms. I would have never probably met him if my friend had not there to give a helping hand. He did not just make the introduction but encouraged the flirtatious exchange along the way.
Again a friend set me up recently. She knew me well and knew the type of person I was and what I was attracted to, so atomically I trusted her choice and lets just stay it worked out very well.
I don’t want to be too critical of anyone, but as we get older we all seem to get so consumed with our own world, our own dramas and stressors and live in a bubble where the words “I” and “Myself” are constantly repeated. Maybe we have our blinkers on so tight, we don’t stop to think if there could be a perfect match in our social lives between friends.
It’s easy, just for one moment take a brief break from the apparels of your own life and think about those who are in it. It doesn’t have to be your best friend or someone you are always around. Think about your wider circle. Is that nice guy that serves you your coffee single and ready to mingle with a friend? Is that cute looking girl you see in the elevator every morning potentially a good match for your mate? Sometimes you might need to step out of your comfort zone to play cupid and ask them of their relationship status, as you might have someone that they should meet. (Just make sure if you clarify that it is for a friend, otherwise you could look a tad creepy). Open your eyes, look around and be aware of who is around you.
There is never going to be an easy answer to solve the dating dilemmas or a key to finding true love. However social matchmaking (match making your friends in your social group) might just be a way you can help others and others can help you. Match make your friends and ask your friends to match make you.
Match maker match maker make me a match!
Xoxo
Dr Nikki
