Would You Abstain From Sex For A Teddy Bear?

First it was the ring, then it was the pledge, and then it was the ball with the big white dress, now a teddy bear! I think by now if you have read anything I’ve written, you know where I stand on the concept of brainwashing our youth into thinking sex before marriage is wrong, shameful or dirty. I once again would like to reiterate that if this is your choice (by choice I mean not influenced and pressured by religion, family, or culture) and you have an adequate education on the subject, I support that choice. But unfortunately, I feel that many young people are brainwashed into making this decision.


To make matters worse (and even worse for Roses Only and Hallmark) some young people this year will be replacing Valentine’s Day with Purity Day. Talk about spoiling the romance! (Although honestly, I’m not big on the romance of Valentine’s Day anyway, don’t worry that post is to come). You don’t think they could have picked another day. It’s like when Christmas and Chanukah collide! The Gods start to scream – choose one! It’s the antichrist of Cupid!


According to the website, the day of purity is a day when youth can make a public demonstration of their commitment to remain sexually pure in mind and action. (Their action might be pure but can you seriously tell me teens don’t think about sex all the time?). I don’t feel the need to scream it from the roof tops publically when I have sex, so I don’t see why someone abstaining feels the need to make a public commitment. I think sexuality is something that is personal and whether someone is a virgin or not is also something that should be personal and kept private, unless they really wish otherwise. I don’t believe it’s something that should be publically broadcasted, especially at that tender age. How would it be if they have publically pledged and then appear pregnant and not married or if it does somehow get leaked that they are sexually active? Not only do they have to deal with their own internal guilt about breaking this pledge but they also have to deal with the opinions and  shame put on my others who were aware of their pledge. Do we ask those who do not plan to be virgins until married to make a public pledge to have sex one day?


So I thought I would do my research properly and give this day of days a fare go. But upon more research the steam started to come out of my ears in anger! This is some of the information I came across on their website.



“Teen virgins can expect an average income that is 16 percent higher than sexually active teens from identical socioeconomic backgrounds. This will mean an increased average salary of US370,000  over their lifetime according to the Heritage Foundation”


“When a woman is married as a virgin, her divorce rate is 76 percent lower than a non-virgin. For men it’s 63 percent lower, according to The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States.”


Among those who have already lost their virginity, two-thirds wished they had waited longer to have sex (77 percent of girls and 60 percent of guys) according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.” (They said waited longer, not waited till marriage).


I try and support someone’s choice, but when I read brainwashing information such as this, it is when I start to suspect many of those “waiting” have been given misleading information for some form of religious control. I’m going to give you an insider tip to the world of statistics and marketing. When we want stats to support our opinions and views, there is someone who will be able to take a sample that will support one particular argument. (I want a recall!). Just because it is written, does not make it true.


It gets better. Their fun fact sheets reports that:

“The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDCP) reported 19 million new cases of sexually transmitted diseases in the United States, while people in the age group of 15 – 24 make up only 25 percent of those sexually active, in 2009 they accounted for over 50 percent of new STD infections according to the CDCP.”


What they fail to tell you is when they are teaching abstinence as the ONLY form of safe sex, Some teens think that behaviours such a oral and anal sex are not actual ways of loosing ones virginity. Also, due to a lack of sex education some teens have no idea that they too can be transmitting STI’s by these acts.  What they fail to mention is that some STI’s can be passed by acts that don’t involve a penis entering a vagina. (Sorry to be so graphic, but lets call a spade a spade). I will not give merit to the argument of increased STI rates as a reason to abstain from sex. This should mean more than anything that we need to be increasing sex education, communication and non-judgmental support for teens.



The problem sometimes is not actually sex. But using fear tactics as the only way to protect our youth. Do paragraphs such as “You’ve heard the statistics, learned the devastating social, emotional and physical consequences of sex outside of marriage and are asking yourself how do I live a life of sexual purity in mind and actions?”  Does this really work in the scheme of things? Why don’t we ask this lovely organization to also run some stats about how many people break their purity pledges and suffer immense guilt as a consequence or how many of those abstained have a high level of sexual satisfaction in their marriages?


Now, if you would like to live a pure life apparently this is how you do it. “Keep your mind clean and uncluttered by “dirt.”  If you spend time reading or watching materials that contain sexual situations, listening or telling dirty jokes, or listening to sexually explicit music, it will be difficult to live a pure life. Avoid compromising situations.” (So apparently these people should live under a rock with earplugs and eyes masks).  Should we be stopping children from viewing everything or anything remotely sexual, or give them enough education and support to be able to ask questions about what they have seen and heard?


But the thing that scares me the most is under the tab on their website “who supports it”, the list goes on and on of schools in the US pledging to be pure! By pledging to be pure are they giving away their right to adequate and necessary sex education? Why don’t we also study the rate of sexual dysfunction and satisfaction in these so called pure marriages? With a lack of education on the subject and staying away from all that dirt, how can they know what their body is really about and what it is capable of? Such a waste of a gift that was given by the same God they say wants them to stay pure!


Sometimes the word innocence is used when it comes to abstaining from sex. People who remains virgins till marriage are seen as innocent.  Should those that are sexually active be classified as guilty? This is where we do the most damage when it comes to sexuality. Words like this help something so beautiful and natural to be seen in such a negative way. If we are having sex before marriage are we bad people?


Now back to the bear. I’m not trying to be mean or pick on someone because of their religion or beliefs, but is a bear supposed to be the solution?  When you are having sexual feelings towards another person, will the thought of a cute fluffy bear make you want to stop? If we cuddle a bear we not want to cuddle the other person anymore? There is too much I can say about this and I could go on and on so I thought it best to show the youtube clip. Enough Said! (And I have such an issues with word “worth” in this clip).



I apologize to those who are abstaining and who really have made the choice for personal reasons. If it is truly your choice than I support that.  But I will continue to be outraged about this topic because many are being brainwashed and pushed into this choice and as a consequences not receive the education they are entitled too.


If you did not teach a child Math that would be seen as depriving them of an education they should receive. I don’t see depriving a child of adequate sex education any different to this. Give them the information, give them all the correct facts, guide and support them and let them make their own independent decisions about sex.


Happy Education and maybe even abstaining this Valentine’s Day,


Dr NikkiG


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